:: Angel's Aerie ::

:: Thursday, January 23, 2003 ::

Music --- My vice, my passion. It is what flows deep down in my veins, keeps me real. Not the crap they play on the radio now, this repetitive bullshit that they call "modern rock" or "alternative", these cookie cutter bands that all sound, act and look alike. No, as you might expect from a fallen angel, my tastes run deeper, darker than that. It is the beat of the electronic age that stirs my soul, touches me in ways that few things can or ever will. Whether fast-paced and furious, or down-tempo and brooding, or somewhere in between.. this is what sets my soul afire. I can close my eyes and set my thoughts adrift to ride the waves of sound. It tugs on my strings and sets me in motion, each pulsating note drawing me deeper into its rapturous embrace, leaving me no choice but to move as it wills. The local club is my mecca, my safe haven, the source of all my bliss, if at least for a few hours. Long enough to forget my worries and LIVE... until the real world comes crashing in all to soon...

Music to live by:
Darkangel - VNV Nation
Like Tears In Rain - Covenant
Former Self - Icon of Coil
Wallflowers - Switchblade Symphony

:: Angel 1:27 PM [+] ::
...

An as-yet untitled and unfinished poem...

The night glides in
on silken wings
to lift my soul
from the stench of decay.
There is blood on my lips
as the tears pour down;
Both are kissed away
with a rustle of feathers.
A flash of silver before my eyes
and my vision dims, turns inwards
Back lit only by the stinging realization
of my faults and failures.
But buried within the darkness of my despair
lies a small glimmer of hope.
Unbowed by the bleakness of its surroundings
it sprouts gossamer wings and flies free...

:: Angel 10:51 AM [+] ::
...

Happy birthday to me. Woo hoo. I can say that now, officially, since its after 9am. According to my mom, that's when it's officially my birthday, thanks to the wonder that is a c-section. Waiting for her to call any moment now, actually. I've been good, too. Managed to refrain from cracking the last I have of my strawberry (mmm) mead and downing that as a birthday toast to myself. So instead I'm slugging code red... like my insomia needs any help! Been up since 4am, when the boyfriend left for work. You'd think that I'd be able to sleep in late, enjoy being lazy today seeing as how I've taken the day off from work. But no. I guess my sleeping much, correction, most of the day yesterday kinda nixed that idea. As my boy forewarned, all that staying up finally caught up with me and I crashed hard-core yesterday when I finally went to bed. Don't suppose it helps any that I work graveyard shift, and have for the past two years, so my body's normal cycle is completely fucked up by now. Eh, whatever. It can join the club with everything else in my life that's been fucked in one way or another.

:: Angel 9:14 AM [+] ::
...

I was told once by a friend that I have an old soul. First reaction would be to laugh it off, right? Not me. I believed him completely, no hesitation. All my life I've felt older than my years, as if I've lived many lifetimes instead of part of one. Its something that I've never been able to explain -- that and the eerie sense as each birthday approaches that this is the oldest I've ever been, that I may ever be. Be it a morbid sense of humor, an unhealthy fixation on my own mortality, or a sign that I'm finally cracking up -- I haven't figured out just which option to go with yet, and I doubt I ever will.

:: Angel 12:53 PM [+] ::
...