:: Angel's Aerie ::

:: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 ::

So I've made a startling discovery, actually made it a while ago, I've just been too lazy to post it. I've come to the conclusion that I have lots of tiny little buttons hidden deep down inside to correspond with every emotion possible... and every once in a while SOMEONE out there takes great joy in bashing a few of them all at once, the fucker. Need an example? Almost two weeks ago (thursday the 8th to be exact) I'm sitting on my computer, listening to some of my favorite tunes as I chill out and surf around the 'net. Then all of a sudden, its like I'm going through a kazillion emotions at once. I alternate between wanting to bawl my eyes out, scream at the top of my lungs, put my fist through the computer screen and whatever else is nearby, get up and just run and run until my legs give out, ransack my fridge and drink until I pass out, and grab something sharp and pointy and hurt myself until I don't care anymore (the last is something I've NEVER had the urge to do, not after having a friend who used this as a stress reliever)... all in the span of maybe a minute or two, each phase just long enough for it to register in my brain before moving on to the next. And just as soon as this came on it disappeared, leaving me feeling completely numb. Two thoughts came to mind then.... "what the hell was that?", followed by "what the fuck do I do now?". I don't even remember now what I ended up doing, think I went to bed not too long after. Couldn't discuss it with the boyfriend, as he wouldn't understand it at all. Couldn't call up a friend to vent, since it was almost midnight and I didn't want to wake anyone up... didn't even think to send an email as I couldn't get my thoughts in any sort of order at the time. So I've kept it bottled up inside until now, so you lucky folks who happen across my blog can read. Since then I haven't experienced anything quite as intense, but every once in a while a feeling will just creep over me for no reason at all, and will be completely unrelated to what I'm doing at the moment. If anything this leaves me wondering if I've completely gone off the deep end. That remains to be seen.

:: Angel 8:40 AM [+] ::
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My poor, poor neglected blog. *sniffle* Pushed to the wayside while I angst over work, the fucked up iraq war and the aftermath -- not to mention worrying about when my lil sis will be back stateside, moving, and all the other usual piddly little retarded stuff that really pisses me off. Thank the gods and demons that be that I'm on vacation all this week or I swear there'd be blood spilt.

*takes a deep breath*

There, now that that's out of the way, back to the dark gutter my mind seems to have taken permanent residence in. *evil grin*

I seem to have developed a new kink as of late, or at least have finally admitted to myself that I do like it -- and the word of the day boys and girls is BONDAGE. And being new, I've yet to jump right in and experience it first hand, though given the right circumstances I just might, but for the moment I really do enjoy looking. By sheer chance I found this site on one of the yahoo message boards for the local goth club -- and I have to say I like so far. Not a member yet, but I may be at some point soon so I can see more. I'm in the process of checking the whole bondage thing out to see just how my tastes run, but I've figured out the one thing I don't like so far -- I'm not really into the whole 'damsel in distress' bit or the kidnapping twist that some photographers or models or sites seem to be about. Not a big turn on for me at all -- I guess I'm a fan of slipping some bondage into the usual (or unusual) foreplay and see where it goes from there.

And truthfully, this doesn't seem to be that big a stretch from the one BIG kink I have of being spanked. A nice hard wallop across my ass with a bare hand while I'm being fucked and OMG, I'm ready to come right then and there. My boyfriend thinks its funny to give me a playful swat when we're out in public, say out shopping, and I have to use every ounce of self control to resist jumping all over him. This from the man who also thinks its cute to reach over and grab my boobs when we're walking or driving or what have you. Proof he's not quite as big a prude as he appears, at least to my way of thinking.

I'm also starting to think there's a tiny part of me that longs to be an exhibitionist as well, but I'll get into that at another time. Need to save a few fun things to explore for later...

Oh, and one final note -- whomever said there's no such thing as too much lovin' never had to deal with sore muscles afterwards. Bastard.

:: Angel 11:05 PM [+] ::
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