:: Angel's Aerie ::

:: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 ::

So I've made a startling discovery, actually made it a while ago, I've just been too lazy to post it. I've come to the conclusion that I have lots of tiny little buttons hidden deep down inside to correspond with every emotion possible... and every once in a while SOMEONE out there takes great joy in bashing a few of them all at once, the fucker. Need an example? Almost two weeks ago (thursday the 8th to be exact) I'm sitting on my computer, listening to some of my favorite tunes as I chill out and surf around the 'net. Then all of a sudden, its like I'm going through a kazillion emotions at once. I alternate between wanting to bawl my eyes out, scream at the top of my lungs, put my fist through the computer screen and whatever else is nearby, get up and just run and run until my legs give out, ransack my fridge and drink until I pass out, and grab something sharp and pointy and hurt myself until I don't care anymore (the last is something I've NEVER had the urge to do, not after having a friend who used this as a stress reliever)... all in the span of maybe a minute or two, each phase just long enough for it to register in my brain before moving on to the next. And just as soon as this came on it disappeared, leaving me feeling completely numb. Two thoughts came to mind then.... "what the hell was that?", followed by "what the fuck do I do now?". I don't even remember now what I ended up doing, think I went to bed not too long after. Couldn't discuss it with the boyfriend, as he wouldn't understand it at all. Couldn't call up a friend to vent, since it was almost midnight and I didn't want to wake anyone up... didn't even think to send an email as I couldn't get my thoughts in any sort of order at the time. So I've kept it bottled up inside until now, so you lucky folks who happen across my blog can read. Since then I haven't experienced anything quite as intense, but every once in a while a feeling will just creep over me for no reason at all, and will be completely unrelated to what I'm doing at the moment. If anything this leaves me wondering if I've completely gone off the deep end. That remains to be seen.

:: Angel 8:40 AM [+] ::
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